I'm struggling...

As I write this, I don't have a title for this post. I'm struggling. I'm struggling with my own body image. My stomach has been bloated and pained. I'm stressed out and desperately trying to get comfortable with a new routine. I've also gained a couple pounds according to the scale and, in my mind, my clothes. Nothing fits me the way I want it to fit. I can spend a good hour before I have to leave for work trying on outfits and pulling them off, throwing them on the bed because I am too frustrated to put them away. I haven't worked in an office job in 6 months and want to make a good impression with my wardrobe choices, but feel I look disgusting in all of my clothes. I'm trying to eat healthier, which is proving to be extremely difficult. I come home completely exhausted from work and trying to adjust to working life. I have less than zero motivation to exercise. I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. I critique every single little thing about myself lately. I am very unhappy with my body but have little motivation to change it. I've tried eating less but that just has the opposite effect. Maybe I just need to wait until my body has adjusted to the new stresses and schedule of my every day life. I hope it gets back on track again. I don't want to end up depressed and not eating again like I did when I lost my job. I was at my lowest weight then but it wasn't a healthy weight. Body image is a bitch, I just hope I can find my confidence and strength again to not worry about it too much. 

Comparison is The Thief of Joy

Why was I feeling good about my body all week until I got ready for the day today? I mean especially after this past weekend of binging. I know I weighed more than last week but I really didn't care because I felt great about my body. All of my clothes seemed to fit in all the right places....that was until I went to get dressed today. 

I'm thinking it's because I went on Pinterest first to get some outfit inspiration. Coupled with PMS symptoms of bloating and mood swings, it did not have a positive result. I saw all these "pretty" girls and "skinny" girls in these awesome outfits and instantly felt bad about myself. Why? Because I was comparing myself to them. 

When we compare anything we have against someone we deem as better, we will instantly feel bad about whatever that thing my be. In my mind I was comparing myself to those girls and instantly felt insecure and just plain old crappy about myself because I'll never look like them. 

I tried on countless different shirts and shorts, even bras to see which one made my chest look it's best today. I became frustrated and stressed, which only intensified my negative image of myself and caused my stomach to feel bloated, which does not aid my self image. I sat on my bed staring at my closet saying, "I have nothing to wear to cover up this bulge or that." "Why can't I look like them when I put the same clothes on?" 

Then I stopped myself and said, "I need to stop comparing" I needed to stop comparing myself to the "Pinterest girls". 

Once I stopped comparing, I put on a shirt that I haven't worn in ages and a pair of shorts. I felt good. I felt ready to take on the day. 

Moral of the story: comparison is the thief of joy. We are not all perfect. We are all different shapes and sizes. We all have our "flaws" that we deem undesirable. But it is when we start comparing ourselves to others that we deem desirable, we will instantly feel like crap about ourselves. The minute you stop comparing yourself is the minute you can start to love and accept yourself for the beautiful person that you are. 

**Disclaimer: I place the words "pretty", "flaws", and "skinny" in quotations because I feel there is no set definition of these two words and they are different for everyone.  I do not promote obesity nor do I promote "skinny shaming" or "fat shaming". I want to promote a positive and healthy body image no matter what that size might be, as long as said individual is healthy.**

Crazy Factory Haul

Hey guys, 

Sorry I haven't been on the blog much...just been feeling uninspired lately. I want to try vlogging but whenever I get in front of the camera I have nothing to say. Meep. 

Anyway I thought I would share with you a recent purchase I made on crazy-factory.com. They're an awesome body jewellery company. Their prices are more than fair and the quality is great! 

(FYI I purchased everything with my own money, this post is not sponsored in any way. Everything pictured is half inch in size) 

This first pair of spiral plugs are my absolute favourite. They're made of glass because I don't trust arcrylic in my ear holes. I love the beautiful turquoise shade and the fact that they can be worn dressy or casual. I don't find that they weigh down on my ears but I wouldn't wear them for an extended period of time. I love them! 

This next pair I really like just for everyday. They are rose quartz with a rose design on one side. They are double flared and half inch in size. I really like these because they look like normal earrings so you won't be stared at or judged by super judgey conservative people. They're comfortable to sleep in and don't irritate my ears. 

This is my first pair of gold ear jewellery. I bought these tunnels because I have a hinged segment ring that is also gold which I wear in my septum quite often and I just want to match. I know I know, it's a girl thing. I like these tunnels but I find the wearable space to be pretty wide so I find that they stick out the tiniest bit in my lobes. They'd be great for someone with thicker lobes. These are in half inch as well and are gold plated surgical steel. 

This is my first pair of wood plugs. I don't know why but they look teeny tiny to me. Maybe because I'm use to people with bigger lobes wearing primarily wood plugs. Overall I like the design on these plugs, however I maybe would have liked it to be a bit daintier. They're comfortable to wear but I feel like they dry my lobes out and make them itchy. Maybe I just need to apply my jojoba oil more often. These are in half inch. 

These plugs are my work/job interview/special occasion plugs. They are very shimmery and girly. These plugs are made quite well and have a good weight to them. They are surgical steel with Cz centre. They are hollow as well and double flared. The flare on these is made well because they aren't very difficult to get in my ears but they stay put in my ears. The wearable space is also perfect on these plugs for me. These are half inch. 

And last but not least is another pair of rose Quartz plugs. These plugs are just plain on both sides and double flared. I like these because I think they just look like "button earrings" and you can get away with it but you can also tell I have stretched ears without it being too obvious. Does that make any sense? I don't know. They are comfortable to wear and the wearable space is also quite comfortable. I may purchase these again in the next size up when I'm ready to upsize my ears. 

That's it for my little haul. If you would like to see pictures of these plugs in my ears make sure to leave me a comment and if you would like to see a septum jewellery collecting post be sure to comment as well. I hope to be posting more regularly so be sure to follow me! 

Instagram: @jessica_lauree

Twitter: @jessicalauree24

Snapchat: jessica_lauree

Is being happy really a bad thing??

So I was out and about today running errands and I noticed something strange....everyone was looking at me funny. 

But before we get into that I should probably describe the scene. 

Now I'm not the skinniest girl around, but I'm also not a big girl. I am an average weight and body structure, and right now I am pretty secure with my body. I mean we all have those days but on the whole I feel pretty good. So I had on a pair of leggings that fit me like a dream, a long yoga top, my denim jacket and some sandals. I had showered and straightened my hair but couldn't be bothered with makeup today because 1) I'm lazy during the week and 2) why would I put makeup on when I'm only going to be out for about an hour. I felt that I looked presentable since my skin has been behaving and off I went. 

My first stop was at Staples because I needed some printer ink. The cashier was nice enough but didn't really say much. I figured it was just Monday and she's just not digging it. 

My second stop was at Sobey's to grab a few groceries that we had forgotten to get on the weekend. I wandered around in my usual fashion picking up what I needed. But what struck me as odd was when I walked up to the cashier and started putting my things through the till, I smiled and said "how are you today?". The cashier looked at me like I had two heads. She quickly finished the transactions and off I went back home. Throughout the drive home I kept thinking, was there something on my face? Was she scoffing at my nose ring (which is barely noticeable at the best of times)? Did she think, "how dare she be happy with no makeup on"? 

And then it dawned on me....she looked at me this way because I was genuinely happy and positive. 

Is it so rare to see someone being perfectly happy and positive in their own skin that we're so taken aback and stunned? 

Is our world so driven by negativity that someone positive is looked at as a "freak"? 

I'm starting to think it is which makes me incredibly sad. Since when did positivity and just being a nice person get met with such judgement? Since when has being comfortable with yourself turned into such an anomaly? 

I blame the media for such ways of thinking of fueling a persons need to try to achieve such unachieveable societal standards. 

I too use to feel this way. I use to be negative all the time and feeling like nothing is going my way so why should I bother. But that is when you lose the fight and they win. 

Never give up fighting and never stop believing in yourself. Always appreciate what you have and be grateful that you get to live another day. Be kind and generous and considerate because you don't know what type of battle everyone is fighting that you encounter. And my main point is just to love yourself because you are beautiful and should feel that way all the time. You are worthy and you are deserving of all the gifts that life has to offer. 

So go out there and make things happen for yourself. Go out and try something new, whether that be a new sport of social activity, you never know what it could lead to. :)